June 2010 Newsletter: Balancing Emotions

Main Listing

Many people oscillate between elated and depressed states, and feel out of control in regards to their own lives. They do not experience true fulfillment and suffer from depressed states without understanding how to see the magnificence of their current situation.

When we have true fulfillment we embrace and include equally both sides of life's coin; happiness and sadness. Happiness, like comedy, is a transient superficial mask that we wear when we ignore the downsides of an inherently balanced event. Sadness, like tragedy, is the transient, superficial, complementary opposite mask that we wear when we ignore the upsides of an event. Inspiring love and gratitude occurs when we have realistic expectations on ourselves and others and understand that all events have a balance of benefits and drawbacks and are supportive and challenging like two sides of any magnet. If we want to awaken our magnetism we must embrace both sides of our magnet equally. Searching for a one sided magnet is futile.  Searching for a one sided life is equally as futile.  It is wise that we embrace the oscillating cycles of happiness and sad equally along our journey of gratitude and love, for they will both guide us to our most authentic self. True love includes a balance of both synchronously.

Dr. Demartini Answers Your Most Common Questions...

Society tells us it's not OK to feel sad. Your view?

"It is perfectly normal for us to feel sad at times. No one I know lives without experiencing periodic moments of sadness - at least to some degree. Whenever we have set unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others and our reality does not live up to these unrealistic fantasies, we experience sadness. Sadness and depression do not have to be perceived as terrible afflictions though. They could be seen as fruitful feedback mechanisms to our conscious mind that guide or initiate us to go back and set more realistic goals and expectations, or clarify realistic strategies to achieve our desires."

Your colleagues are being unkind, or your partner is suffering depression, and you're starting to feel blue to. What to do?

"Identify what you and they are comparing your lives to at that moment. Whenever our current reality does not live up to the fantasies that we have set or expect we become sad or depressed - to let us know we are being unrealistic. It is not what happens to us that ultimately matters it is how we perceive, compare and act upon it."

"If someone criticizes you, rather than react with hurt, ask if it is justified. Ask how does this serve me, how can I use this to my advantage? It's never what happens to you, it's how you perceive it and until you learn how to manage that and be accountable to it, you're always blaming and being the victim."

We can either be victims of our history or masters of our destiny. We have to take command of our perceptions and balance out our mental equations to have true fulfillment. Being addicted to only support and kindness (which can make us juvenile, dependent and obligated) will attract to us challenge and unkindness (which can make us precocious, independent and free) to break our addiction. Our desire for that which is unattainable is the source of our suffering.

Advice on anti-depressants. Are they good or bad for us?

"Antidepressants are not my first approach - more the last. Too many depressions arise because of unconscious and unrealistic expectations (fantasies and delusions) placed on yourself and others. Setting realistic expectations and dissolving fantasies and delusions about how you and others are to be - can dissolve the very source of the many depressions. I have helped hundreds of people avoid the medication trap. Biochemical (neurotransmitter, hormonal) imbalances do occur in many cases, but they are also a response to challenged values and imbalanced perceptions and are not the source in many cases. These imbalances are often the effect of the imbalanced unrealistic expectations."  
         

If happiness 24/7 is not sustainable, what is?

"Feelings of happiness and sadness oscillate throughout our lives. In some cases they become quite extreme when we do not govern or moderate our imbalanced perceptions and resultant bipolarized emotions. The quality of our lives is dependent upon the quality of the questions we ask. If we ask balancing questions we can moderate the extremes of emotion and center ourselves upon our primary task or mission at hand. Our intuition is constantly trying to reveal to our conscious mind the part we are ignoring with our biased perceptions and expectations and to help bring our minds back into a balanced awareness. When we are sad our intuition is trying to reveal the upsides. When we are happy our intuition is trying to reveal the downsides. When we are balanced and centered our intuition transforms into inspiration."

Gratitude is the key to growth and fulfillment

Those who count their blessings, who are grateful, have more blessings and fulfillment in life than those who do not. This is a simple principle. Yet it has the power to change your life. We are built on universal principles, and the universe behaves like us on a grander scale. If you were to give someone a gift and they just looked at it and then tossed it aside without thanks, would you be inclined to give them another? Of course not, and the universe responds just as you do. The universe bestows its gifts where they are most appreciated. If you're not grateful for what you've been given, why would the universe want to give you more?

Many people confuse gratitude with elation. They think that when they're elated about some event and go, "Oh, I'm so thankful for that!" that they are being grateful. But true gratitude actually has little to do with those temporary moments of happiness or elation.

True gratitude is a quiet state of poise and inner calm where you are truly thankful, where you sense the Divine order and wouldn't want anything to change. Gratitude is a true prayer of thanksgiving. But there are two types of thanksgiving and they are both very different.

The first type of thanksgiving is often false. It arises when you are dissatisfied with life. It is represented by, "Oh god/universe/world, this is all messed up. Please fix it!"

The second type of thanksgiving is real. It arises when you are truly thankful for what has already been given. With this type of thanksgiving you recognize the order and perfection of what is. As a result you receive ever more gifts. To those who ‘have' (gratitude) more is given. To those who ‘have not' (ingratitude) more is taken away. Having gifts taken away as a result of ingratitude helps us wake up to the importance of being grateful.

Show Gratitude

1. Say ‘Thank you' - There is no limit to how many times you can thank a person, including yourself, and while it may only be two simple words, their meaning is universal and their effects can be profound.
2. Write a special note- Sometimes our best thoughts and ideas are those we do not try to edit, so let the message you write come to you in the moment. There is no need for the words to make sense to anyone else but the person it is intended for.
3. Treat yourself - The greatest relationship we will ever have is with ourselves, and it is wise to take the time to show ourselves that we are grateful for who we are and what we choose to be. How you treat yourself all depends on what you like, for some there would be nothing better than a treatment at their favorite spa, for others a new computer will do the trick.
4. Smile - a smile can be contagious if it comes from the heart and often tells a person so much more than what words can say. Giving the gift of a smile can be a great way to show you are grateful.
5. Give a gift that counts - the power of a gift when it comes to being a token of gratitude is ultimately the thought that goes into it. Take the time to really look at who the gift is intended for and what they value most in life. Everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are. If you get a gift that really speaks to their values it is likely to be remembered forever!

Living through gratitude will awaken your heart and equilibrate your emotions allowing you to become inspired and enthused by your life once again.

Love and Wisdom
Dr. John Demartini