August 2011 Newsletter: My dad's advice on gratitude

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A number of years ago, I was visiting my dad when he asked, "Son, how're things going?"

I answered, "Well, I've expanded my office, so I had to pay the cost of renovating, and right now I'm short of capital. I just bought a diamond ring for my wife, plus a new car, and we recently went on a vacation to Hawaii. We just got a new house and a whole bunch of things are going on, and it seems it's all happening at once. With all this spending, we don't have as much cash as usual, I'm totally overwhelmed, my gums are bleeding, my eyes are itchy--every part of me is stressed."

He looked at me with stern eyes and said, "Son, that's not stress. That's blessings!"

A little shocked by his response I asked, "What do you mean?"

He explained, "John, what you've accomplished in a short period of time is more than I've done in 30 years. Your mother and I never did go to Hawaii. We still haven't got diamond rings--we just have simple gold bands. You've got more diamonds than we do. And by the way, the idea of expanding your office is incredible. The extra taxes and things--just consider that a blessing because it means you've earned some money."

He took every single thing I thought was a stress and made it a blessing. This was not about positive thinking. It was recognizing the so called 'stress' was simply a part of having the things I had aspired to. I was not willing to accept that the things I thought would make me 'happy' came hand in hand with drawbacks. As a result I was slowly making myself miserable, and missing out on enjoying life and all I had achieved.

This is a common experience for many people around the world. The words "I will be happy when..."echoing in the back of their minds and constantly driving them to seek new things and experiences that they desire. Where many of us get it wrong is failing to recognize everything comes with a price to pay. This is not a good or bad thing, it just is.

I grew up hearing my mother talk about counting blessings, but I'd gotten so caught up in my daily life that I'd forgotten her real meaning. From the time I was four years old, my mother would say as she was putting me to bed, "Son, count your blessings tonight, for those who do will have more to be grateful for, and more opportunities in their lives than those who don't."

Those who count their blessings, who are grateful, have more blessings and fulfillment in life than those who do not. This is a simple principle. Yet it has the power to change your life.

When people experience love and appreciation, or in other words gratitude, the brain and heart become energetically integrated. Brain and heart waves synchronize and the power of human intent is maximal. You have the ability to create! When you're grateful, and when you have love in your heart and poise in your mind, you also have an integration of your left and right brain. They become synchronized, too. Your heart's intuition and your brain's reason become one, congruent, centered. You have a power that cannot be shaken and in most instances no matter what the obstacles, you accomplish your objectives.

Ingratitude on the other hand is gravity and it weighs us down. Our immune system runs down, our spiritual life feels like hell and our mind becomes clouded. Our financial situation is likely to become stagnant and change for the worse. We isolate ourselves from people because at the end of the day why would you want to stay with someone who doesn't appreciate you?

So how do you become a 'grateful' person? Keep in mind there is a big difference between true gratitude and temporary elation. Many people assume gratitude arises when they can easily and superficially count their blessings because things are going their way. These same people assume that ingratitude is a natural response when things are not going so well and they can easily count their curses. But this is not the whole picture. The reality is, true gratitude only arises when we take the time to acknowledge the perfect balance residing in our lives, when both support and challenge and all other complementary opposites are recognized as occurring simultaneously. This is the moment true gratitude spontaneously emerges and is the moment we access our most powerful source of love that gives rise to - the gratitude effect.

In order to witness the perfect balance I suggest you take the time to ask yourself insightful questions to a point where you can see the other side of any situation just like I did so many years ago after speaking with my father. How does the credit crunch serve your life? What are the benefits of your failing relationship? How does the extra weight you have gained this winter serve your life? Keep asking until you have the answers. I am certain they are they.

I've never seen anyone who gets up in the morning and says, "I want to be less spiritually aware, to have less of a mind, and to be totally unfulfilled in my career. I want to have less money than I had yesterday, and I want to be able to reduce the number of people in my family. I want less friends and less physical vitality." I mean, there might be challenging moments where we seem to, but overall, these moments are transient.

We are constantly expanding ourselves, and the things we think are missing are the very things driving us. It was Henry James who said, "Nothing of the senses will ever satisfy the soul." I can now say with confidence, the only things that will satisfy the soul are gratitude and love. What else is there without that?

Love and wisdom
Dr. John Demartini

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